Happiness: Crime punishable by sentence of lethargy

It is not yet 6:30am. The air is crisp and cool, the sky beautiful, and I have already been up for over two beautiful hours. Ok, so I’m a little hypomanic.

Big smiles are rare this time of morning

But I have had a GREAT morning.

From affectionate puppy cuddles
To watching a stunning sunrise through the clouds
Walking hobbit-style through the neighborhood
And finishing at the park (where I currently reside)

And as I currently live with my easy to worry mother I was already preparing for her inevitable lecture on me indulging my mania.

And that’s when I thought, Why should I apologise for being happy? 

Don’t get me wrong, mania is a serious and harmful condition that I do not want to mistake for simply being happy.

But what makes mania harmful? Certainly psychosis is harmful, and the depression that follows a manic episode for many people. I personally think the most harmful part of it is the lack of awareness during an episode. The belief through the entire thing that happiness is harmless.

But I perceive that as the happiness in mania being risky but not an inherently bad thing. 

Yes, I have been mildly hypomanic this morning. But have I been harmful? I have stayed safe and I have been aware of my state and the dangers of it the entire time.

So in the end there’s just… happy. 

And I will never apologise for that. There is such an attitude that it’s not mania that is bad, but being happy. Any time someone shows any higher level of happiness they are classed as manic and told to stop that. We get taught to feel less; that being numb is a good thing.

I agree that mania is dangerous and should be prevented. But not at the cost of everyday delightful moments. It’s all about learning the balance, which is a difficult road. But in my experience there is far more pressure to not let yourself be happy than there is to not be numb.

And I don’t know about you, but I’d rather slip into psychosis every now and then than live my entire life empty to the beauty of simple pleasures.

And if this is truly hypomania and not just me being me, I think we could all learn from the benefits of it.

To know the beauty in the world, to genuinely enjoy the good and bad and appreciate it as a part of life… I’ll never apologise for that.

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