I think it goes without saying that when you have a major illness, things get more complicated. That’s true for any illness. Yet although my Nanna whom I love and am very close to has Diabetes, beyond the fact that she loves biscuits and can no longer have them, I have no idea how it affects her day to day.
So how do mood disorders complicate life?
Right now as I am writing this my pale face could have my cast in the next popular vampire drama, my fingers are trembling, my usually bouncy, curly hair is plastered to my face with sweat, and the scent of vomit lingers in the air. Pleasant, right?
Stomach bugs are nasty stuff.
And although throwing up every hour is nasty enough on its own, I now also have to worry about the fact that when I can’t keep down basic food or water, I can’t keep down medication either.
This also has further difficulties in that if this keeps up, I will get to experience oh-so-joyful withdrawal symptoms on top of this sickness. If the Lithium leaves my system completely, I will have to go through the process of building up my medication all over again.
Which is troublesome considering how stressful the past couple of weeks have been and will continue to be.
Why, you may ask?
Because I’ve returned to university after taking a semester off for my health. Yes, university (or college, depending on where you’re from) is a stressful time for all. But having Bipolar, or any mental illness, just makes it that much harder.
When I was at uni last year the stress had me cycling like Lance Armstrong on drugs. I was suicidal, psychotic, and everything in between. Returning to university is not about a few years of stress so that I can achieve the job of my dreams, it has come to be more like a life or death decision.
Perhaps I am being dramatic, but after coming so close to taking my life so many times, perhaps I have a right to be.
Bipolar can complicate some of the most simple of things.
Such as running into an old friend who asks what you have been up to for the last year. If you haven’t guessed by how openly I talk about Bipolar to the public of the internet, being open about all aspects of my life isn’t something that troubles me. But for so many others, running into an old friend isn’t necessarily the joyous event it should be.
I think it’s silly when people assume that an illness will only affect you in the mostobvious ways.